I had no answer.
Samuel folded his hands.
“I’m not asking philosophically. I’m asking whether you consider it part of your retirement resources.”
I looked at the account.
It had started as my emergency fund.
Then over time I had begun thinking of it as money available if Michael’s business failed, if Owen needed braces, if Jennifer needed another car.
I had mentally assigned my emergency fund to everyone except myself.
“Yes,” I said.
“It’s mine.”
Samuel smiled slightly.
“Then we can make a better plan.”
We spent ninety minutes doing exactly that.
No revenge.
No cutting anyone out of a will.
No dramatic decisions.
Just a budget.
A woman taking inventory of her own life.
When I left, I stopped at a travel agency two doors down.
I stood outside for a full minute.
Then went in.
A woman named Pilar showed me brochures.
I almost apologized for wasting her time because I had no intention of booking anything.
Then I saw a seven-day trip to Quebec City and Montreal in October.
Robert had once wanted to go.
“Do people travel alone?” I asked.
Pilar smiled.
“All the time.”
I took the brochure.
That was all.
But I put it in my handbag as carefully as if it were a ticket.
—
December twenty-third arrived.
At 8:06 that morning, Michael called.
I was cleaning the refrigerator.
I let it ring four times before answering.
“Hi, honey.”
“Mom.”
His voice was tight.
I knew immediately.
“Is something wrong?”
